Am I A Bad Person?

I still remember sitting on my bedroom floor at eight years old, gripping a pencil and a notebook, determined to write down every single bad thing I had ever done. I wasn’t being punished, no one had told me to do it—but my brain convinced me that if I didn’t make this list, something terrible would happen. Worse, it might prove what I feared the most: that I was secretly a bad person.

On that list, I wrote things like:

• “Snuck Halloween candy when Mom said no”

• “Cheated at Go Fish”

• “Lied about brushing my teeth”

• “Thought something mean about a friend”

I remember staring at that list with hot tears in my eyes, feeling this deep, gnawing shame. These weren’t just mistakes to me; they felt like moral failings. Evidence that I wasn’t the good person everyone thought I was.

At the time, I had no idea that what I was experiencing was Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder—specifically, a subtype called Moral Scrupulosity OCD. I just thought I had a guilt problem. It would take me years to understand that the relentless self-criticism, the need to confess, and the deep fear of being "bad" was OCD playing out through my values.

And if you’re reading this, maybe some of that feels familiar to you, too.

What is Scrupulosity OCD?

Moral Scrupulosity OCD—sometimes just called "Moral OCD"—is a form of OCD where the obsession centers on being a "good" person, doing the religiously correct thing, or going to hell. People with this OCD subtype often have deeply held values around honesty, fairness, kindness, and integrity. Ironically, OCD targets those exact values and twists them into a source of constant anxiety and self-doubt.

If you’ve ever found yourself replaying conversations in your head, trying to make sure you didn’t lie or offend someone, or mentally reviewing your past to see if you’ve done something unforgivable—you might know this struggle firsthand. If you do the same things as your peers but feel deep shame and guilt around them you might have this.

Unlike the stereotype of OCD being about germs or handwashing, Moral OCD isn’t always visible. It often takes place entirely inside someone’s mind—through constant self-monitoring, intrusive thoughts, and exhausting moral audits.

Common Obsessions and Intrusive Thoughts

Moral OCD creates intrusive thoughts that attack the very things that matter most to you—your integrity, your relationships, your sense of being a "good" person.

Some common examples include:

• “What if I lied and didn’t realize it?”

• “What if something I did hurt someone emotionally, and I was too selfish to notice?”

• “What if I did something horrible in the past and forgot about it?”

• “What if having that bad thought means I’m actually a bad person deep down?”

It’s important to understand these thoughts aren’t reflective of who you are. They’re intrusive—unwanted, repetitive, and distressing thoughts that stick because of the anxiety they create. The content feels so personal because OCD knows exactly what matters most to you.

The Compulsions That Keep You Stuck

Like all forms of OCD, Moral Scrupulosity runs on the loop of obsession → anxiety → compulsion → temporary relief → repeat. The compulsions are the things you do—mentally or physically—to try to get rid of the anxiety caused by the intrusive thoughts.

In Moral OCD, compulsions often look like:

• Mental Reviewing: Replaying events, conversations, or actions over and over to "check" if you did something wrong.

• Confessing: Repeatedly telling loved ones about something you did or said in an effort to repent of make it right.

• Seeking Reassurance: Asking people if you’re a good person, or if they think you hurt someone.

• Doing Religious Rituals: Constant prayers, trying to think of Jesus, holding your scriptures a certain way, and having to read religious texts in certain ways or at certain times because of guilt and not because you're seeking a connection to God..

• Overcorrecting: Going out of your way to "make up" for perceived moral failings, even when they’re imagined.

The problem is that compulsions work—but only for a moment. They lower anxiety short-term but actually strengthen the OCD cycle long-term. Every time you "check" if you’re good, your brain learns that there was something to fear.

Why It Feels So Real (and Why It’s Not)

One of the cruelest parts of Moral Scrupulosity is how real the guilt feels. You aren’t worrying about some abstract fear—you’re terrified you’re fundamentally bad.

And here’s why that’s especially tricky: OCD latches onto your values. If honesty is important to you, OCD makes you obsess about lying. If kindness matters, OCD convinces you you’re secretly cruel. That’s why the thoughts feel like a reflection of your true character.

But they’re not. They’re symptoms of OCD, not signals about who you are. The very fact that you’re bothered by these thoughts is actually evidence of your good character—not the opposite.

Most people with scrupulosity worry about doing anything different because acting differently than they do now could cause them to do to hell. Why risk it? Instead they just try to be perfect, repent constantly, and deal with frequent crippling guilt.

OCD is a liar—but it’s very convincing.

How Therapy Helps (Hint: It’s Not Just Reassurance)

You might think the solution is just proving to yourself that you’re good—but that’s exactly what keeps OCD spinning.

The gold-standard treatment for OCD is Exposure and Response Prevention (ERP). ERP helps you face the thoughts and situations that trigger your anxiety—while resisting the urge to do the compulsions that temporarily relieve it.

For Moral Scrupulosity, ERP might look like:

• Writing about being a "bad person" without trying to reassure yourself it’s not true

• Imagining scenarios where someone might misunderstand your intentions—and sitting with that discomfort

• Practicing non-reassurance: resisting the urge to mentally review or confess

Over time, ERP helps your brain learn that you can handle uncertainty about your morality—and that you don’t have to solve, fix, or figure out every intrusive thought.

Additionally, therapy for Moral OCD often weaves in self-compassion work. Because shame is so central here, learning to talk to yourself with kindness—not as a judge, but as a compassionate observer—is crucial for healing.

Shame vs. Guilt: Why It Matters

One of the most confusing things about Moral Scrupulosity is untangling shame from guilt.

Guilt says: “I did something wrong.”Shame says: “I AM something wrong.”

Most people with Moral OCD live in chronic shame. The brain doesn’t just latch onto one "bad" thing you did—it builds a case that you’re fundamentally flawed, broken, or bad. That’s why reassurance never fully works. You’re not just worried about one event—you’re trying to fix your entire identity.

Part of therapy is learning to separate guilt (which can be useful when appropriate) from shame (which rarely is). Real guilt might tell you to apologize or change behavior. OCD-fueled shame just keeps you stuck—forever questioning who you are.

The Good News: You’re Not Alone, and You’re Not Broken

If any of this resonates, please know you are not alone. So many of the clients I work with tell me that living with Moral Scrupulosity feels exhausting, isolating, and hopeless. But there is a way out.

OCD is highly treatable. ERP is backed by decades of research. You don’t have to spend your life mentally reviewing your every word and action or constantly fearing that you’re "bad."

You’re also not broken. The fact that you care about being a good person? That means you are one. OCD may have latched onto that, but it doesn’t get the final say.

Key Takeaways:

• Moral Scrupulosity OCD makes you doubt your character, morality, and goodness—but it’s OCD, not the truth.

• Common compulsions like mental reviewing, confessing, and reassurance-seeking keep the cycle going.

• The more you try to "solve" the question “Am I bad?” the more stuck you get.

• ERP therapy helps you face the fear without performing compulsions—giving you freedom from the endless moral audit.

• Shame thrives in silence—healing happens when you learn self-compassion and challenge OCD’s lies.

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Ready to Stop Living in Fear of Being "Bad"?

If you see yourself in this post, I want you to know there’s help. You don’t have to keep living inside your head, stuck in loops of shame and doubt. With the right support, it’s possible to break free.

I specialize in working with clients who feel trapped by guilt, shame, OCD, and trauma. If you’re ready to start untangling these patterns, I offer free consultations—text me at 801-477-0813 to schedule yours.

You are not your thoughts. You’re not a bad person. You’re a human being and I want to help you learn that you really are good enough imperfect.